by Don Kingfisher Campbell

Flies decide to start washing feelers
to eliminate diseases picked up from
roadkill.

Hermaphrodite sea cucumbers declare
themselves a disgrace to the planet.

Fish will no longer allow sex changes
to save species–goodbye cruel world!

Mice experiment on larger life forms
to promote tolerance.

Frogs plan to stop licking own skin
to get high.

Bird songs copyrighted to prevent
those not of their kind from
using their mating rituals.

Rabbits vow to become monogamous
–must control their soap opera lives
to curtail nose and tail twitching.

Cats and dogs unite to put an end
to unwanted pregnancies,
bite each others balls off.

Hyenas quell laughter–Earth
just isn’t funny anymore.

Monkeys, in an effort to advance
their lot on the globe, promise
to limit acts of masturbation
and oral sex to once a month.

Lions abolish war against gazelles
–remarkable weight loss and
reduction in heart attacks reported
–grass tastes good!

Pandas proclaim there is only one God
–and it is in their own image.

Dolphins eliminate dancing from
their swim routines–there’s
too much art on this sphere.

Zebras paint themselves all black
or white in an attempt to
head off horse prejudice.

Humans still displaying animal
characteristics when it comes to
territoriality, homophobia, and drug abuse.

Elephants remember when looks
did not matter.

Whales release double CD of ocean tunes,
believe they’re as talented as Yes.

Trees sway to celebrate a billion years
of being hooked on sunlight.

Clouds know they’re above it all.

DON KINGFISHER CAMPBELL, host of Saturday Afternoon Poetry in Pasadena, California, is also editor of the San Gabriel Valley Poetry Quarterly. He has recently been published in Sage Trail, Phantom Seed, and online at Poetic Diversity and Hot Metal Press. A collection of his poetry, Campbell’s Classics, is available at dkc1031.blogspot.com.